What's your pet peeve in RL?

[Malacite]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

Hardest day of my life. Have not felt pain like this since my Ex/twin-flame left me. At least she's still alive though.

This is permanent. Hard to believe it's been a week. We buried him in a plot with my Mom's folks. I still think he ought to have been with his folks, at Arlington (Gramps was a WW2 naval mechanic) but then I guess even if he was American, his home was here. We're out of debt at least, but like my Mom said it sure was a horrible price to pay. Hopefully I can get a decent job with all my family and Dad's contacts helping out. Might not hurt to tug at the old heart strings either.

Bit of a low blow and not sure Dad would approve of that, but I got my family (and eventually my own life) to think about. For now, on a more positive note, I just hope I can get reaper of souls working tonight for my midnight stream.

[cidbahamut]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

today's the day... in a couple hours gonna be saying my final goodbyes as they put him away.

Stay strong man.

[Aksannyi]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

Really tired of people who won't make time for me expecting me to drop everything for them. Fuck off.

[DakAttack]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

Been made redundant this week. 3rd time in the last 10 years....

America exists, so your whole country is redundant. Same story for Canada and Australia.

[Jarre]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

Been made redundant this week. 3rd time in the last 10 years....

[Caspian]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

Thoughts and prayers with your family, man. Whether you want them or not.

[Ketaru]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

My condolences, Mal. Sympathetic or harsh, it looks like other people have covered a lot, and I'm no good at these things. But my condolences all the same.

[Aksannyi]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?



I ... can't think of anything better to say than that.

[Malacite]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

today's the day... in a couple hours gonna be saying my final goodbyes as they put him away.

[Malacite]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

Nah, Dad was always about looking on the bright side of things. He & Gramps both were the sort of person whom you felt like you'd known them your whole from the 1st meeting. Everyone loved Dad.

I've been down in the dark there before, too, and in a sick way that's sort of what's helping me stay sane right now (at the same it's also really hurting but eh...). When the love of my life, my best friend since childhood broke my heart out of the fucking blue for no reason (and incidentally, that too was on March 17th so I was already dreading Monday but never did I imagine...) that pretty well destroyed me. I couldn't focus on anything, my grades just went all to Hell and I must have tried killing myself at least a dozen times since. I had a few friends give the usual shit nonsense about going through that, but others were more understand and just tried to be positive and avoid all the tired cliches. They just listened and supported me. It still took me a really, really long fucking time to fully recover from what (only in the last year or so, actually) but I eventually did. I still miss her with all my heart, but at least life doesn't seem totally pointless.

And then this shit happens, right on the "anniversary" of the last time my world came crashing down around me. I'm holding up a lot better now, but sometimes I wonder if I'm just the victim of some perpetual sick joke.

[Aksannyi]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

Ahh, understood - not really sure what else to do with that though. There's only so much we can do.

My peeve of the day is people who try to do my job, fail, and then get angry with me when I call them out for screwing it up. Why do you think I'm even here?

[ItazuraNhomango]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

I disagree.

This is my own experience here, but when I was depressed, whenever people yelled at me or tried to be harsh with me, it just made me feel worse about myself. It was just the negative reinforcement I needed to keep feeling like the worthless piece of shit I knew I was. Saying something like, "I'm so disappointed in you," wasn't a motivator to me like it might have been to some people - it was just that person echoing my own self-perceived inadequacy.

I can agree this view, up to a point. The problem is, sympathy so far hadn't done Malacite any good; there was no result, and he kept going back to the self-diagnosed 'depression'.

The real goal I had was not to be 'harsh' (though it certainly came across that way, and intentionally so), but to simplify the message down to the essential--to give him as simple of a plan of action as possible, while still concrete enough to actually follow.

Help with the funeral.
Use the funeral to connect.
Explain financial situation to extended family.
Ask for help/job.

But he just completely ignored that, of course. (I had a feeling that was likely the case, but I had to try to get through.) Anyway, now that I'm ignored, my part is done. It didn't seem to have made any change, but I give it my best shot.


The rest of you may still reach him, though.

Good luck.

[Aksannyi]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

I disagree.

This is my own experience here, but when I was depressed, whenever people yelled at me or tried to be harsh with me, it just made me feel worse about myself. It was just the negative reinforcement I needed to keep feeling like the worthless piece of shit I knew I was. Saying something like, "I'm so disappointed in you," wasn't a motivator to me like it might have been to some people - it was just that person echoing my own self-perceived inadequacy.

Now I don't claim to know everything about Malacite or how he deals with his own issues. I hardly know any of you, beyond what you all say. But as someone who has been in the lowest point of my own personal hell to the point where I nearly took myself out of it by death, I remember how it felt for someone to be harsh with me, to yell at me, to push me down in order to make me rise back up. People for whom that works don't understand the mentality of someone for whom it doesn't work. I have had my parents, friends, teachers, and bosses all alike try to use this "I'm going to tell you you're worthless so you rise up and prove me wrong" strategy, and the only thing it did was further compound my sense of self-worth. And to each of them, I've told them why it doesn't work - and they use the exact same line that you did: "It's an excuse."

To you, perhaps it is an excuse. But when you're crushed beneath your own expectations for yourself, sometimes the fact that other people also have these expectations is just enough to cause you to crumble beneath the weight of it. That's not an excuse, it's a mental issue, one that is very hard to escape the weight of.

Could be different for Malacite, like I said, I don't know. But that philosophy of motivation doesn't work on everyone, and I'm proof enough.

[ItazuraNhomango]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

He's a human being, something that seems to have been lost on you Itazura.

You disgust me.

That's fine; we all have different perspectives, after all. Mine is from someone who was once a multi-year jobless bum leeching off parents while pretending FF11 was "theraphy that keeps me sane." Also, my father recently had a health scare.

From that point of view, I see Malacite doesn't need sympathy. Relentless enforcement of the one message is what he needs: shape up. About the only thing that can one up that is to give him a job, and I can't do that. So, harsh truth is all I gave him until he put me on ignore list.

More kinds words from this forum? That will do nothing but cause him more excuses for inaction and self-pity, delaying his recovery further.

[Aksannyi]

Re: What's your pet peeve in RL?

So back to the regularly scheduled Aks peeves (because while I am aware that people have it worse, I have really nowhere else to bitch).

1. I have been home since 5:30. It's 6:54. My cable box has been updating the whole time. I am about to go on a murderous rampage if I don't get to watch some fucking TV.

2. My bank sent me a brand new debit card - a month after I got my renewal card - only this one is a different number, and now I have to learn a new debit card number and update all of my fucking auto bill payments. Not pleased.

Malacite, I feel like wishing you a happy birthday is rather misplaced right now, after all, calling it "happy" is quite the misnomer. But I do hope you manage to find some good in your day tomorrow.