[GM]Dave's feelings on Manthras

[Kailea]

Re: [GM]Dave's feelings on Manthras

When I used to play EQ I had a very bad experience. I was sweet and nice to people and would just laugh off the guys making passes, even the ones getting quite aggressive because "I just can't...I can't..." be firm and ruthless. Well even though I didn't share any info with this particular man about myself, beside the fact that we live in the same state, he found out more info. One day there was a knock at my door and a strange man was there. He introduced himself as his in game character and I was beyond shocked and freaked out. I didn't know what to do and again...I didn't want to be firm and ruthless.

So I stood there talking to him for about 5 minutes when he asked if he could come in. I was home alone (and later I found it odd that he came at that exact time) and knew I should not let him in. He saw my hesitation and said that he just wanted a drink of water and to use the bathroom before hitting the road back home because it was a long drive. I caved and let him in. He used the bathroom and then came to the kitchen where I gave him a SMALL glass of water. He plunked himself down at my table and slowly drank it. I think I said to hurry because my husband would be back any time now but he didn't seem worried. Eventually he was done and I was getting him out the door when he turned around, grabbed me, and tried to passionately kiss me. It was then that I realized how much I had screwed up by being sweet and nice so I got ruthless and fast! I stomped on the top of his foot as hard as I could and pushed him out the door and locked it. I called the police and an officer took a report and stayed with me until my husband came back with the kids. I eventually had to get a restraining order and go to court with this stalker. It was a horrible experience but I was to blame too. Thats why I say to know when to be firm and ruthless BEFORE something like this can happen.....WAY before. We eventually had to move because I was so terrified to be alone in my own house...which was rather embarassing!

men like that need the crap beat out of them..... that was in no way your fault -.-

[Brielle]

Re: [GM]Dave's feelings on Manthras

Oh my goodness, that is not right. How did he find out where you lived? That gives me the chills, how frightening.

I teach courses at a university and I work with many different kinds of people, quite a few of them being men. When I first started working here, I was very open to allowing people to call my personal number if they had questions and I offered tutoring sessions outside of my office hours. Since then I have had several students who have called me for dates and I had one who found out where I live.

Since these incidents I do not give out my personal number, only my office phone and I no longer offer any of my time outside of my requirements.

The situations are different, but it is still a means of stepping over social and personal boundaries.

[TheGrandMom]

Re: [GM]Dave's feelings on Manthras

The worst person who has been attracted to me scared me and for good reasons. He was intelligent enough to pass as fairly normal, he lives relatively close to me, could probably have found out where I live etc. Ffxi is a bit different because it's a large game, and its more difficult to get information about other players than what I was playing but there are some very unnerving people around.

When I used to play EQ I had a very bad experience. I was sweet and nice to people and would just laugh off the guys making passes, even the ones getting quite aggressive because "I just can't...I can't..." be firm and ruthless. Well even though I didn't share any info with this particular man about myself, beside the fact that we live in the same state, he found out more info. One day there was a knock at my door and a strange man was there. He introduced himself as his in game character and I was beyond shocked and freaked out. I didn't know what to do and again...I didn't want to be firm and ruthless.

So I stood there talking to him for about 5 minutes when he asked if he could come in. I was home alone (and later I found it odd that he came at that exact time) and knew I should not let him in. He saw my hesitation and said that he just wanted a drink of water and to use the bathroom before hitting the road back home because it was a long drive. I caved and let him in. He used the bathroom and then came to the kitchen where I gave him a SMALL glass of water. He plunked himself down at my table and slowly drank it. I think I said to hurry because my husband would be back any time now but he didn't seem worried. Eventually he was done and I was getting him out the door when he turned around, grabbed me, and tried to passionately kiss me. It was then that I realized how much I had screwed up by being sweet and nice so I got ruthless and fast! I stomped on the top of his foot as hard as I could and pushed him out the door and locked it. I called the police and an officer took a report and stayed with me until my husband came back with the kids. I eventually had to get a restraining order and go to court with this stalker. It was a horrible experience but I was to blame too. Thats why I say to know when to be firm and ruthless BEFORE something like this can happen.....WAY before. We eventually had to move because I was so terrified to be alone in my own house...which was rather embarassing!

[Saren]

Re: [GM]Dave's feelings on Manthras

But really, is it wrong for wanting to be a male Mithra?

Wanting to play one no, trying to pretend you are one is a bit stupid because of the world back story etc. Honestly though, I don't really mind what people want to role play so long as they aren't telling me about it or expecting me to play along.

As for the whole being hit on thing. Ack, it gets very old sometimes, convincing teenage boys you are a big sister type instead of fantasy material. But the point that was made about there being a lot of abnormal people on the internet is true.

Telera I don't think you are necessarily being irrational to be scared by the odd man. The worst person who has been attracted to me scared me and for good reasons. He was intelligent enough to pass as fairly normal, he lives relatively close to me, could probably have found out where I live etc. Ffxi is a bit different because it's a large game, and its more difficult to get information about other players than what I was playing but there are some very unnerving people around.

I think I'm getting better at spotting these people though. Most of them seem to say something suspicious in the first 5-10 minutes of conversation. The one that I hear most often goes something like "I'm a man, I have needs, I have to hit on you, it's your fault, hehe" though pushing the conversation to their RL love life and insistant offers of help with anything and everything you are doing are a close second.

I definitely agree about sometimes having to be firm with people and then just weathering the drama.

[Nandito]

Re: [GM]Dave's feelings on Manthras

I play a Mithra, and I use the term Manthra.

To let others know I'm a male playing a female.

But really, is it wrong for wanting to be a male Mithra? There are more Mithra than any other race in FFXI, not in the game alone. Webcomics, fanfics... doujins...*cough* I like breaking the tradition.

In my mind, or if I ever stop being lazy to draw or write, I play a male Mithra. Yes, call me homophobe or such crap like "You're a female, get over it". I just find it funny story-wise to see a scrawny male Mithra, forced in a sense, into an adventuring world where people think you're a female Mithra. Also; ninjitsu-trained Moogles. Ha.

What I'm just trying to say is, if they want to be called a Manthra either because they're insecure about their gender or in my sake - STORY - I see no reason why we can't let them.

Hell, look at Galka players! They want to be male, and they're generally asexual! Why aren't we making enough fun of that?! D:

[Brielle]

Re: [GM]Dave's feelings on Manthras

Getting labeled as a b***h is not always that bad, I mean, I was told by several men in my old guild that I suffered from "Chronic B***h Syndrome". TheGrandMom is right, there are times that we need to step away from out nurturing roles and step on a few fingers. Going off on a feminist rant may not help your plight as a woman in the gaming world, but there are ways to get your point across and not have to subject yourself to needless harassing.

Boys like to tease, and sometimes it can be fun to tease back. Flirting between friends is usually not a problem, but there seems to be a fine line when it comes to interpretation. Always make sure that both sides know the boundaries, otherwise it leads to a mess of miscommunication.

Looking back on what has happened to me in the past, I regret that I stopped talking on ventrilo and gave into the pressure. I had just as much right to talk and lead raids as anyone else in that position. I completely agree with TheGrandMom (again), this is not our fault. When I begin playing FFXI again and someone figures out my gender, for whatever reason, I am not going to allow myself to be bullied around because of it. When my daughter is old enough, I would like to introduce her to video games and if she decides to continue playing I hope that things have changed by then. Everyone has the right to talk as much or as little as they would like, gender/race/sexual orientation/age/etc. are all irrelevant. Games are meant to be fun!

[TheGrandMom]

Re: [GM]Dave's feelings on Manthras

Sometimes a party player, if you comment on something they do or how they do, it might rise the feeling to them which they encounter in real life (usually even for no reason) as well, the feeling of "girls don't like me" and they get annoyed and start to go extremely defensive and sometimes offensive as well.

Oh lord do I know this feeling! Try being a character that is named TheMom or have the party know you are a mother/grandmother. Then try giving gentle advice to someone with issues and watch them take all the years of frustration at their parents/authority figure out on you! Wow, in the beginning I would let them spout off and give me hell and try to talk to them but now I just give up and /blist. LOL I run into this a LOT, either people think its neat that I play or I should "go take care of the kids" or "go clean my dentures". LOL

In a linkshell, I've noticed that it's best to not talk as much as others.

In my current HNM-Endgame linkshell, I've had my good share of this.
The linkshell also has a sub-linkshell for Dynamis, as do a lot endgame linkshells. One of the first events I did, was Dynamis. I introduced myself into the linkshell careful with just a "Hello" and "thanks for inviting me."
Ok, so naturally, during the first event I did (which was a Dynamis-Xarcabard) some people start to talk with me and such, getting to know eachother, that's all good.
There was one guy though that seemed particularly interested in me. We talked normal, where we lived and about the linkshell and so on, I can't remember precisely anymore. However, I do remember at some point saying: "online relationships aren't my thing, I have some good friends, but more than that, I wouldn't want." He seemed to not like that comment but i'm not sure. However, the Dynamis was about over. Turns out he's a real-life friend to half of the sackholders(aka: Officers) and old member of the linkshell.
I think I was camping the Yagudo NM (Mee Deggi the Punisher) in Castle Oztroja late at night the next day, together with another member from that linkshell. When this person I talked to in Dynamis the otherday, suddenly started to talk in linkshell about how I was supposed to have hacked someone's FFXI account ago, he insulted me and said he was going to get me kicked, before I could explain that I know absolutely nothing what he's talking about. When I did, he wouldn't listen.. From there on, it appears he has told his real-life friends about this, along with a lot of other stories which I got thrown against me much later. Never have I been asked anything.

When I joined a while back, there were several (2 or 3) male players that didn't take long for them to add me on MSN or so and
somewhat tell me they like me, after a bit of talking.
This wasn't so bad in first place, untill they've started mentioning me in linkshell conversations some way or another. It annoys other people and from there basically anything (jokes) I say they can pick up as annoying. And well, then things can go from one thing to another real quick, to a point where it isn't fun anymore to be in the LS. I got dragged in sometimes to some little problems between members that I had nothing to do with. It's hard to explain yourself on that point either, people certainly won't ask me and I really don't want to annoy even more people simply by talking. There's a lot of nice people in the LS and a few that just seem.. weird to me.

Either way, being in the LS outside events isn't fun anymore, I have had a nice and really big social ls since a long while, never had a problem at all. It's just that sometimes you have to be really careful, cause you can dragged into things really easily, and before you know it even have a bad reputation. And that's when rumors come along.. which reminds me of another post I made yesterday about rumours.

Sometimes it sucks to play this game as a Mithra. But then again.. screw them jerks judging me before they know me.

/begin rant First off Kitty, this is not your fault. I've been in this situation myself (in fact, recently) and it's bulls**t. If people are too immature to get both sides of the story and look at them like an impartial adult then they don't belong in a leadership position. I sick and tired of people with vendettas towards other people and the people in power blindly believing them because they know the person irl. When you are in charge of a shell/guild you are impartial and base your decision on facts and not how you feel. I was a sac on more than one occasion and I had to make decisions that involved family members. I had to be impartial and even though I might really want my family member to have that particular item or win that particular debate, I thought with my head and not my heart and voted against them many times. If someone is your friend or loves you, they understand this irl and don't hold it against you. If they do hold it against you, then you need to re-evaluate your relationship. /endrant

And a point I just have to make...Girls it's great to be "sweet" and "nice" to people. I've tried my best in my life to be that way but at some point you will learn that you need to be "firm" and "ruthless" at times too. When some guy gloms onto you and you KNOW that he's going to be a problem, then its time for the firm and ruthless card. Yes, this might get you labelled as a b***h because thats how men react when their egos are bruised, but for your own safety and sanity you have to do it. You know when it gets to that point with any man and that little voice in your head is going "Oh I just can't...I can't..." but you MUST. This is particularly important when you are in a club/bar/tavern/etc. Bad things happen when we don't get firm and ruthless. Oh...btw....carry mace/pepper spray/taser too.

We're boys, we tease as signs of affection. If you pick Galka, prepare for fat jokes.

I knew a galka that used to get picked on with fat jokes constantly. I always was very meh about it but he seemed to not care. Once I even got caught up in the moment and did it myself but then sent him a /t and apologized for it. He /t'd me back that while it was irritating that it was so constant (seriously, ALL THE TIME), the context really didn't bother him because he didn't take it personally. So as long as you wouldn't take it personally (the fat jokes), I think being a galka is fun. I have one myself and enjoy being "The Hulk" every so often! LOL

[Kailea]

Re: [GM]Dave's feelings on Manthras

I think I should perhaps interject so there is no confusion about my actual feelings. You can debate the finer points of life as a Mithra and the resulting annoyances, but I don't want anyone misunderstanding my own opinion.

I have no problem whatsoever with Mithras. Mithra is a great race that provides benefit for a variety of jobs, as well as enabling people to roleplay as a race that is both beautiful and agile. It is a proud race that embodies the strength and power of women.

That's fine.

I have no problem with guys playing Mithra. I'm not so provincial that I would find the idea of a guy playing a Mithra to be wrong or even questionable. A guy playing a Mithra in no way implies homosexuality.

Actually, I'd be willing to bet that anyone who may be homosexual would be equally likely to pick any other race.

The only thing that annoys me about the whole situation is people who choose a female character and then have to justify that act by trying to rewrite their own character as a male. As if playing a female is so wrong that they have to feel ashamed about it.

The word Manthra is a moniker that has more to do with personal feelings than anything to do with the game.

If you choose a female character, play a female character. I don't care if you're a guy, a girl, both, neither, a duck, a yeti, a duck who dresses like a yeti, whatever.

You picked a female character. You play a female character.

agree 100%

I have a homosexual friend myself, and he chose a male Hume, so *shrugs* nothing really different.

[Taodyn]

Re: [GM]Dave's feelings on Manthras

I think I should perhaps interject so there is no confusion about my actual feelings. You can debate the finer points of life as a Mithra and the resulting annoyances, but I don't want anyone misunderstanding my own opinion.

I have no problem whatsoever with Mithras. Mithra is a great race that provides benefit for a variety of jobs, as well as enabling people to roleplay as a race that is both beautiful and agile. It is a proud race that embodies the strength and power of women.

That's fine.

I have no problem with guys playing Mithra. I'm not so provincial that I would find the idea of a guy playing a Mithra to be wrong or even questionable. A guy playing a Mithra in no way implies homosexuality.

Actually, I'd be willing to bet that anyone who may be homosexual would be equally likely to pick any other race.

The only thing that annoys me about the whole situation is people who choose a female character and then have to justify that act by trying to rewrite their own character as a male. As if playing a female is so wrong that they have to feel ashamed about it.

The word Manthra is a moniker that has more to do with personal feelings than anything to do with the game.

If you choose a female character, play a female character. I don't care if you're a guy, a girl, both, neither, a duck, a yeti, a duck who dresses like a yeti, whatever.

You picked a female character. You play a female character.

[Kitalrez]

Re: [GM]Dave's feelings on Manthras

Maybe I should make a Galka and just save myself the trouble!

No, see then you run into the problem a lot of my Galka linkmates do. Annoying little Taru SMNs like me send them tells or tell the ls about how they've managed to save me a bundle on my cart insurance.

We're boys, we tease as signs of affection. If you pick Galka, prepare for fat jokes.

[Kailea]

Re: [GM]Dave's feelings on Manthras

play the race you wanted, don't let other things influence you -.-

if you get harassed call a GM/Black list them
if you get gifts that you did not ask for return them

I hate it that some guys cant keep it in check long enough to even think -.-

[Brielle]

Re: [GM]Dave's feelings on Manthras

In my old guild on World of Warcraft, my husband was an officer and a raid leader. On many occasions I would be grouping with players from the guild and I would get badgered into situations where people would ask me if I liked them and if I had ever thought of leaving my husband for someone else.

Granted I did get divorced, it was not because I was off hooking up with guys I met in an online game. I am not sure how things are in FFXI, but world travels quickly around a WoW server when a "real girl" is outed. Suddenly random players are messaging you their phone numbers and you are getting random gold and gifts sent to your mailbox.

I was planning on making a Mithra when I started playing FFXI again, but I am not sure I want to.. Maybe I should make a Galka and just save myself the trouble!

[Kittyneko]

Re: [GM]Dave's feelings on Manthras

A whole other side though, which I kind of brought up earlier;

As a mithra or any kind female player, in a situation where it might become obvious to the people around you(party, linkshell, etc.) that you're either really female or pretend to be, and thus draw a lot of attention to yourself from certain people. Not only can nice comment affect someone more than you want it to, but also you easily start to annoy people. There were times in my long playtime that I've wished I wouldn't have a Mithra character with an almost girly-like name, simply to be less in the center of attention sometimes.
Because you draw attention, people that don't care much for you get annoyed, especially, and this is really annoying; when you make a critical comment about something.

Sometimes a party player, if you comment on something they do or how they do, it might rise the feeling to them which they encounter in real life (usually even for no reason) as well, the feeling of "girls don't like me" and they get annoyed and start to go extremely defensive and sometimes offensive as well.

In a linkshell, I've noticed that it's best to not talk as much as others.

In my current HNM-Endgame linkshell, I've had my good share of this.
The linkshell also has a sub-linkshell for Dynamis, as do a lot endgame linkshells. One of the first events I did, was Dynamis. I introduced myself into the linkshell careful with just a "Hello" and "thanks for inviting me."
Ok, so naturally, during the first event I did (which was a Dynamis-Xarcabard) some people start to talk with me and such, getting to know eachother, that's all good.
There was one guy though that seemed particularly interested in me. We talked normal, where we lived and about the linkshell and so on, I can't remember precisely anymore. However, I do remember at some point saying: "online relationships aren't my thing, I have some good friends, but more than that, I wouldn't want." He seemed to not like that comment but i'm not sure. However, the Dynamis was about over. Turns out he's a real-life friend to half of the sackholders(aka: Officers) and old member of the linkshell.
I think I was camping the Yagudo NM (Mee Deggi the Punisher) in Castle Oztroja late at night the next day, together with another member from that linkshell. When this person I talked to in Dynamis the otherday, suddenly started to talk in linkshell about how I was supposed to have hacked someone's FFXI account ago, he insulted me and said he was going to get me kicked, before I could explain that I know absolutely nothing what he's talking about. When I did, he wouldn't listen.. From there on, it appears he has told his real-life friends about this, along with a lot of other stories which I got thrown against me much later. Never have I been asked anything.

When I joined a while back, there were several (2 or 3) male players that didn't take long for them to add me on MSN or so and
somewhat tell me they like me, after a bit of talking.
This wasn't so bad in first place, untill they've started mentioning me in linkshell conversations some way or another. It annoys other people and from there basically anything (jokes) I say they can pick up as annoying. And well, then things can go from one thing to another real quick, to a point where it isn't fun anymore to be in the LS. I got dragged in sometimes to some little problems between members that I had nothing to do with. It's hard to explain yourself on that point either, people certainly won't ask me and I really don't want to annoy even more people simply by talking. There's a lot of nice people in the LS and a few that just seem.. weird to me.

Either way, being in the LS outside events isn't fun anymore, I have had a nice and really big social ls since a long while, never had a problem at all. It's just that sometimes you have to be really careful, cause you can dragged into things really easily, and before you know it even have a bad reputation. And that's when rumors come along.. which reminds me of another post I made yesterday about rumours.

Sometimes it sucks to play this game as a Mithra. But then again.. screw them jerks judging me before they know me.

[Akashimo]

Re: [GM]Dave's feelings on Manthras

Fat chicks don't count.

Actually no.
Most of them were those too good for you skinny to average build chicks and the skinny to average nerdy ones who come to anime club or just come on days when we play DDR.

[dirtyclown]

Re: [GM]Dave's feelings on Manthras

Fat chicks don't count.

This.