I've lost someone close to me.

[Kuraiame]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

It's a shame people feel then need to go ahead and do this...

What he said Losing a friend is hard...

[Coinspinner]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

Would you feel the way I'm feeling now if someone from here or another popular community (hell, even FFXI) were suddenly dead? Am I crazy for feeling like I've lost a good friend here, even though I really only knew him from myspace and EBWF? Anyone else here feel the same way?

Please try to keep the flaming out, if you think I'm retarded that's fine but say it nicely.

I wouldn't. But I'm pretty hard-hearted. Three dead grandparents and a dead dog, didn't feel a thing.

[Murphie]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

You have a problem? What is it? Are you going to tell me what I thought when I wrote that? Or just criticize me to seem like a bigger and better person than I?

Yeah its sad when a person passes away by natural causes or by suicide. We all know nothing is going to bring them back. The apologies don't do anything, they're just as empty as the feelings some may be experiencing right now. Be happy that in his moment, that some people would say totally powerless that he did have the power to make such an act. Be happy for him that his next life may bring him peace and a better understanding.

What the hell Murphie, what the hell...

You're ridiculous, and it has no place in this thread. Being happy that someone "had the power" to commit suicide is counter to human nature. I'm not sure where you get your idea that I'm trying to do anything but ask what the hell reason you have to post such stupidity.

[Belcrono]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

Luckily I've been spared from something like this happening to me so I am not going to pretend I know how you feel, but I do feel for you, sorry it happened.

[Aksannyi]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

Many thanks to those of you who've expressed condolences. It's been a rough day, that's for sure. I guess on an internet forum I shouldn't have expected to be flamed for making internet friends. In RL, maybe ...

Thanks for all the love today guys, it's really helped.

[Jarre]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

I'm sorry to hear that Askannyi. *Huggs* It is unfortunate people see life being so bad that they want to end it. What you have to do for youself is not think badly about what happened but in your heart put something in that makes you feel good about the person, an image that you can happily remember him by ina good light and lock it away into your memory as a happy memory. everytime you think of the person don't think of what he did, but think of this happy memory, it can help.

I got some news last week about a friend from youtube. Many of you may know him by the name "theboringdispatcher", I spoke to him many times in stickam and via skype. He passed of a serious illness and it was a shock to me and the whole youtube community.

I feel for you aksannyi and you know there are many of us in here you can lean on for emotional support. *Big Huggs*

[Omgwtfbbqkitten]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

Malevolent, you're just being a dickhead. Insensitive and elitist as I may be at times, I do have my limits and making ignorant commentary on somone who has died would certainly be one of them

When someone dies of natural causes, painful as it may be to lose someone, its easier to accept that passing because that life wasn't forced out of yours, just a life coming to an end.

When you lose someone to disease or an accident, it hits you a different way. It makes you sad to have somone ripped away from you by chance of watch them fade into a shadow of what they were and fade away. Its jarring, but in time you move on. Sometimes you have a target for your rage, sometimes you just don't but you move on eventually.

When you lose somone to something like murder, you have a target for your anger and hatred. You can rationalize your emotions, you sometimes have someone to blame. I had someone to blame for the murder of my grandfather, I had a way to rationalize and cope with the loss. I still hate the killer, but at least I know who's to blame.

But suicide? Take all those other kinds of death and roll it into one big conflict of emotion. Here's a person you love or were a good friend to, now dead at thier own hands. Suicide is not an act of power, but of extreme weakness. Your friend is ripped away from you not by some target you can rationalize, but by his own doing. You want to feel pity or sympathy, yet at the time, you want to hate them. Hate them for being weak and selfish, hate them for giving up and hurting all who loved them. You're stuck between love and hate and it just doesn't end for a long, long time.

You sit back and do stuff you used to do with them, it doens't feel right because they're not there to enjoy it with you. You see a book they liked, hear a song they loved, a game they played, the kind of car the drove, you have all these memories and they just fucking haunt you without end.

It goes on for months, years even. They don't just fade from memory because there is no peace to have about it. You start to count the years they are gone. All the great things they've missed that they would have enjoyed. You have a date emblazoned in your memory that you can't shake off. March 14th 1996 just doesn't go away for me, March 14th will come again, I will remember.

Thank God February 6th 2008 turned out different, that a friend was stopped from giving in to weakness. I need to thank thier roomate for stopping them, I really do. I don't want to lose a loved one to suicide ever again.

So pardon me if I'm just a bit rude and emotional here, but Malevolent, you don't know shit about loss and nothing of strength or weakness. You've clearly not been there, its not like burying a grandmother who dies naturally, far from it. In that scenario, you have your peace, with suicide, the pain dies bit by bit over the years, but it never goes away completely.

[Aksannyi]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

That is quite possibly the best post I've ever seen from you BBQ, hell, one of the best posts on a message board ever, period. I know it must have been hard to dredge up the memories you have of a day that will never go away, and I thank you, for opening up, and for "defending" (for lack of a better word) those of us who are in pain due to someone else's passing at their own hands.

If there was any way for me to know he was hurting as badly as he was ... but sadly, online makes it hard to tell these things. Sometimes you never know how much you care about someone until they're gone, and it hurts most that he will never know how much we loved him on EBW. He was someone I would joke with, flirt with, tease ... hell, everyone is like that over at EBWF, it's been a fun four years since I've joined, and the forum will never be the same. People come and go, but this ... is just ... shattering.

I started a collection from some of the Premium members to order flowers to be sent to the funeral home from those of us at the forum. (Gotta love PayPal.) It may seem dorky to those who knew him IRL, but we loved him just as much as any of his "real life" friends, many of us talked to him on AIM/MSN/etc. and on the phone. There is so little we can actually do to show how much we care, obviously traveling to where he is (Louisiana) is not an option to most of us so that is our gesture as a group of people who will miss him dearly.

More than anything, I wish he knew how much love there is for him ... how much we will miss seeing his smiling face in the monthly pictures threads ... and how much we'll miss his signature, "How you doin'?" line that he used on all the women. He was a beautiful person inside and out, and I don't understand it ... I just don't ... but I want him to know, if somehow he can see this post ... that I love him and I will never forget him.

Rest in peace Cain.

[LilithAngel]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

Suicide is not an act of power, but of extreme weakness.

Highlighting this particular part, only because it's so fucking retardedly true. Hope you're paying attention here, Malevolent; you apparently seriously fucking need to.

[Feba]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

BBQ, losing someone you care about deeply never goes away.

As to what malevolent said, he does have a point about some people having more peace in death than in life; and having control of your own death rather than dying to some random cause appeals to some. They way he said it was somewhat dickish, definitely, (as was his reply) but his original post did seem like he was genuinely trying to comfort, albeit with an opinion many of us might not share.

and how much we'll miss his signature, "How you doin'?" line that he used on all the women.

I hate to break it to you, but that's Fark.com's signature line.


damn ebaum's ripping off the rest of the internets *mumbling*

[Wise Donkey]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

Bad form, Malevolent.

I, fortunately, have never had to deal with the pain of suicide in my life, so I can't quite relate to the feeling of losing someone in that way, and I won't patronize you with comparisons when I really don't know how it compares. I wish you well in dealing with the feelings it brings, Aksannyi. And in typical FFXI fashion...

{/comfort}

[Aksannyi]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

I hate to break it to you, but that's Fark.com's signature line.


damn ebaum's ripping off the rest of the internets *mumbling*

Not ebaums ... just him. And I'm quite sure it came from Joey on Friends before Fark had it ... or someone else before that.

[Murphie]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

It did, Aksannyi.

Feeling that death is preferable to life, in our modern world where we have everything handed to us on a silver platter is pretty fucking selfish. If your ancestors were that weak willed, you wouldn't be here today, because they sure as hell had to deal with greater hardships than anyone in a fucking first world country has to.

[Feba]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

Perhaps for the people that do have everything handed to them, Murphie, but it's unfair to say that this is happy sunshine time for all. Either way, this is not the time or place for a discussion on this.

[Murphie]

Re: I've lost someone close to me.

You're not getting it. Life in the modern world is not hardship. If you're on the internets? Talking to people? Your life is not that hard. You have electricity, food, a roof over your head. You don't have it so bad.

Oh noes, things are not perfect, maybe, but there are people who have it a lot worse, and they keep going. If someone is going to give up because life is just too hard, then they need a bit of perspective.