How To Speak N00b - A Guide - COMMENTARY

[blobboid196]

Re: How To Speak N00b - A Guide - COMMENTARY

Now, I just have to make it funnier. ><;

aw, don't keep telling yourself that. the "humor level" may fluctuate between installments, but i can tell that you don't have to but strong effort to be original and humorous in what you do.

[Taodyn]

Re: How To Speak N00b - A Guide - COMMENTARY

Thanks, Icemage. Makes the guide much cleaner.

Now, I just have to make it funnier. ><;

[blobboid196]

Re: How To Speak N00b - A Guide - COMMENTARY

neat! i didn't know you can do that to a thread. i wish the other message boards i'm part of offered that.

[Icemage]

Re: How To Speak N00b - A Guide - COMMENTARY

I've split the comments into this separate thread to reduce the clutter on the actual "guide" itself. Please post any comments in this thread rather than in the main topic.


Icemage

[Chicken_Little]

Re: How To Speak N00b - A Guide

Haha.....all of your stuff kicks ass man. I look for entries in all three of your blogs everyday. Such creativity you have. Can only imagine what will come next. Keep up the great work and can't wait to read the next one.

[TBoTB]

Re: How To Speak N00b - A Guide

Episode 5 - The N00b as a Pet


Step 3) Housebreaking you n00b


(Player1) Everyone meet my new pet... err... friend, n00b.
(n00b) h3110
(Player2) What the hell was that?*
(Player3) Ummm... Hi, I guess.
(Player1) Give him a chance guys.
(n00b) h3110 <call4>
(n00b) h3110 <call2>
(Player3) Could you please stop that?
(n00b) STFU N00b!!11one!....

LOL, funny stuff. Keep it up ^_^~

* - ROFL ^.^~

[Veve]

Re: How To Speak N00b - A Guide

I lol'd, lawl'd, etc. It's too bad newbs normally turn into noobs now.

[AngryUndead]

Re: How To Speak N00b - A Guide

Haha, n00bs. Silly n00bs.

Where were we? Ah yes... I am amazed that you were able to study the n00bs so closely in the wild. Quite an undertaking. However the two recent episodes, four and five, are a bit forced and we know that you could do better. Keep up the good work.

Sweetkitty, I am sorry that the translation of the n00b language disturbs you so. They are not a very advanced species and as such we can only make crude aproximations of a translation. I believe that the term "gang raped" is probably what the n00b would say, if he had the words. However, "horribly and brutaly masacred by large burly fish" is probably more appropriate between us higher primates.

There is also, a difference between leet speak, and 3l337 sp34k. Those who practice the arcane art of leet speak, know that it should be done sparingly and for comical effect. Those who are "l337" do not understand this, and feel compeled to corrupt the arcane tounge with outbursts of random letters and to mangle the accepted practices of the language. This behavior should not be tollerated amongst n00bs or otherwise.

Tif, I love to help people, and have no real complaints with most new players. I believe it is the diference between "Ignorant" and "Ingant". We are all ignorant no mater how much we play or how much we learn, there will always be more. Ignorant people accept this and vow to learn as much as they can. These people start out as newbies, progress to players, and end up as adventurers. This is the majority of the citizens that you see. Ignant people either think they know everything or think they know enough and refuse to learn. This is the steryotypical n00b. I believe through painful methodology you can enlighten them as to the plight they are in and they will eventually gain the personal insight needed to progress to a full blown newbie. That is a beautiful sight.

I don't know everything, but at least I'm aware of the fact. Do your best to educate others of the same.

[Juless]

Re: How To Speak N00b - A Guide

Episode 5 - The N00b as a Pet

Some of you intrepid adventurers may feel the desire to take a n00b as a pet. Something you can train and fashion into a companion. The n00b offers an interesting challenge in this respect, but one that can be undertaken.

Note: Do not confuse the word "can" with the word "should".

Because the n00b is born in the wild, they will instinctively resist all forms of behavior modification. Suggestions like "that will get you killed" and "level your sub, n00b" will go unheeded. A resourceful adventurer can train a n00b, but only with a great deal of work.

Step 1) Catching your own n00b

This is actually rather easy. Offer the n00b some gil or a free piece of equipment (making sure it is severely below their level and of no real use so that the n00b will want it). Once this is completed, you now have your very own n00b.

They will follow you wherever you go. They will send you tells asking for "more gilz" or help with something called a Kwest. This can actually be likened to our own Quests, but differ as the n00b will have no idea where to go, what to do, and will not have the proper items required.

Congratulations, you now have your own n00b. Whether you like it or not.

Step 2) Teaching your own n00b

This part of our procedure is quite frustrating, though sometimes amusing. You can teach your n00b the basic strategies used by actual players through a strict plan of letting them die. A lot.

You then offer them some advice and after they ignore it and die some more, they may slowly come around and accept basic thoughts.

It is important to remember though that a n00b is a n00b. You must force this information on them and they will still act stupidly. Very stupidly.

Step 3) Housebreaking you n00b

This portion of the process is often were most n00b owners break down and end up flushing their pet down the nearest toilet.

In order to speak with your new pet, you may want to offer them a place in your linkshell. This, however, can be disastrous as n00bs are frightened of smarter people and may react violently.

Let us look at a common new pet- linkshell exchange shall we.

(Player1) Everyone meet my new pet... err... friend, n00b.
(n00b) h3110
(Player2) What the hell was that?
(Player3) Ummm... Hi, I guess.
(Player1) Give him a chance guys.
(n00b) h3110 <call4>
(n00b) h3110 <call2>
(Player3) Could you please stop that?
(n00b) STFU N00b!!11one!
(Player1) NO! Bad n00b! BAD!

As you can see, the n00b does not work well with others and is prone to angry outbursts. For the safety of yourself and your linkshell, I suggest you avoid taking a n00b as a pet.

Remember: n00bs may be cute and mildly amusing, but in the long run, they're more trouble than they're worth.

This is too funny! I believe I've found my comic relief thread while at work!

[Tif]

Re: How To Speak N00b - A Guide

Maybe I'm a sucker, but I find helping people makes the game more fun, so I've been the victim of episode 5 more times then I can count. Though I've also met some really awesome people that way.

[inyashaz]

Re: How To Speak N00b - A Guide

i love this post area its great thing u made keep it up

[Kittyneko]

Re: How To Speak N00b - A Guide

Gang raped by big ugly fish

That's such a childish term.


Even though I find this guide rather worthless, and doesn't really sound that funny to me, I still read it all and it was slightly amusing. Maybe this will stop some people using l33t language, that's so dumb. The "I r prty cl 4 a nw B plyr lol " language is atleast understandable but yet so annoying as well. ~.~

By the way, it's funny how some total insecure people with nothing to do but doing stuff related to Ffxi, change their "character" a lot o.O People read [GM]Dave's blog, and they start to talk and feel like him, all serious and stuff, changing their common language "1337" to something with intense usage of punctuation and stuff. I wanted to quote a post here from this thread but I don't wanna be offensive to anyone.

[Taodyn]

Re: How To Speak N00b - A Guide

forgive me, but i missed the bullitin that stated that was common knowledge.

Does vBulletin count?

http://www.ffxionline.com/forums/ffx...ave.humor.html

[blobboid196]

Re: How To Speak N00b - A Guide

Episode 5 - The N00b as a Pet

actually, i think i'll call that episode my favorite so far.

[blobboid196]

Re: How To Speak N00b - A Guide

Me too.

Gee willikers!

CONFOUND IT!

COULD [GM]Dave be TAODYN!?!?!

forgive me, but i missed the bullitin that stated that was common knowledge.