[Aksannyi]

Originally Posted by Omgwtfbbqkitten

Tingle is a pedo.

[Kimani]

OMG..
why is this even still going?
Mario has a 'stache.
He wins.
The end.

[Feba]

Originally Posted by Kimani

why is this even still going?
Mario has a 'stache.

[Kimani]

Originally Posted by Feba

Oh yes, thats what I'm talking bout.
Let me tweak that sexy 'stache.

[Kailea]

Originally Posted by Omgwtfbbqkitten

/sigh

How many times do I have to 'splain this?

Mario has three women in his life.

One is Pauline, she gets kidnapped by apes a lot. This isn't entirely unnatural. She's not too far removed from Donkey Kong's species and he's just being mischevious and wants attention. Mario rescues Pauline and Donkey Kong goes back to hording bananas.

Then there's Princess Peach. Peach gets kidnapped so much its questionable these are really kidnappings. I think she and Bowser just have flings. But to make it more amusing, they leave a path of drugs and coins for Mario to follow. Eat a mushroom, he gets bigger. Eat a flower and you can throw fireballs. Eat a star and you're invincible. It just gets loopier and loopier after the shrooms, he's riding dinosaurs, wielding talking water tanks and turning into racoons or bees to fly.

And where are Bowser's kids coming from? He's got all those Koopalings and Baby Bowser, who even claimed Peach was his mother. Bowser lied and said Peach wasn't his mother, but then, why does he still kidnap her? He's not after the resources of the Mushroom Kingdom, he's clearly capable of constructing fleets of airships. And who would want to rule over a generally harmless populace of Toads anyway?

The kidnappings are to hide the hookups and the birthing of new koopas. Mario's just strung along and all it takes from the Princess is a kiss on the cheek or baking a cake to set things right with Mario.

Then there's Princess Daisy. She's only ever been in danger once. Abducted by aliens. She's a kook. Mario really only has eyes for Peach, so he tries to pawn Daisy off on Luigi. Really, if Tatanga was real, he would have come back by now. Real aliens come with stars to collect.

Unfortunately for Daisy, Luigi is gay. Really, even if Daisy is nuttier than a Snickers bar, she's a hottie. He shows no interest for her or Peach in the slightest. He had a game where he wielded a vaccuum cleaner. Mario got the water pump. You figure out the freudian implications there.

As for Link, he's not gay.

Tingle is gay, though. Oh, Nintendo might be trying to throw him at the ladies in one of his new games now, but deep down we all know Tingle is a pedo. Tingle loves boys that dress in green and he wants to be a fairy. This is why we keep Link and fairies away from him. We just give him the rupees for maps then run like hell.

WoW.....I never... though about it like that before.... thats fucked up ;p

[Armando]

Bowser lied and said Peach wasn't his mother, but then, why does he still kidnap her?

The Answer

It's not that hard to figure out.

P.S. Tingle may be flamboyance incarnate (and, indeed, most likely a pedophile) but that doesn't make Link not gay. You can put Tingle next to Freddie Mercury if you want, he was still gay. Undeniably awesome, yes, but gay. Link is a prettier-looking Luigi - draped in green and shows no interest in the women that surround him (which was your rationale for calling Luigi gay.) When even fucking FISH WOMEN want you to screw their brains out and he still doesn't tap anyone in his fanclub-harem, something is terribly wrong.

I would've screwed AT LEAST the redheaded farm girl for sure. That Lon Lon Milk has to be coming from somewhere and I didn't see no cows.

@Feba: Clearly, moustaches aren't signs of homosexuality; rather, signs of epic win.

[Evion]

Link isn't gay. He's just always too young for the sexual stuff. I'm sure after he get his rocks knocked out once by the princess, he'd be knocking on all the doors of the kingdom looking for ass. Of course a fat old man would be tapping all the princesses he could rescue. And of course the ladies love the way the stache' feels, so he's clearly not gay either.

[Armando]

I've watched enough hentai to know that 9 years is not too young.

Your argument is invalid anyways since he was 16 half the time in OoT.

[Feba]

yeah, but by the time he grew up, he didn't have many options. Annoying fish girl was annoying, and probably would've required him to get married.

Zelda was a man, and there was a general lack of females due to the entire "world is about to end" thing.

[Armando]

There was still Saria for the lolicons, Malon for normal people, and Nabooru for those that are into "mature" women.

He had options.

And don't give me any "two of those were going to be sages" bullshit. There's no way Nabooru is a virgin. She's like 30-something and she lives in Gerudo Valley, Hyrule's red light district and thief nest. Clearly sages don't have to be virgins OR pure of heart (god knows Darunia would plunder Link's rear if given half a chance.) I'm not really sure what the requirements are, but they must not be very strict.

Personally I would've liked him to marry Ruto. There could only be two outcomes:
1) Mermaids (and with Link's looks they would be blindingly fucking beautiful.)
2) All Zoras die due to lack of breeding.

Both are pretty appealing.

[vulcan]

This thread is epic. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time LOL.

[Evion]

Didn't any of you see the G4 vid of RL Link finally rescuing the princess? He we obviously looking to get some reward for his rescuing efforts. However, she's been kidnapped and rescued so many times she didn't even fucking care what he went through. Next time he saves her he should just stab her to death if he doesn't get his reward, IMHO...

[Feba]

No. Even people who sink this low don't watch G4.

[Sekighara]

Well both lack the ability to form actual sentences but mario at least can speak and is generally fun loving. Come on racing penguines (That cheat ) down an ice slide in nothing but his overalls. That is manly stuff right there drug induced or not. But come on Bain from batman used drugs and he f'ed up batman. He is the only villian in batman to say he put batman in the hospital. Do I support drugs no but I do believe if you can beat batman in a fist fight your a bit more epic then your common run of the mill villian.

But I digress lets look at the facts. Link was in soul caliber ok yeah cool fighting but this is like choosing gunmetal in the dolphin grey or gunmetal question. Clearly over compensating but if you look at the others Hiatchi is there. Oh Haitchi sucks blah blah blah hate tekken blah blah blah. But his weapon in the game was his bare hands. Fighting demons and ethreal warriors with no pixy dust, or guardian faries clearly makes Link more of a pansy just by comparison. What was the king of stomp doing at this time you ask? Well mario was in nba street dunking on micheal jordan. How many video game characters can say that? Ryu hayabusa is a demon fighting ninja that always gets the well endowed girl at the end to only leave her to find the ultimate whatever cool. Mario schooled the LA lakers and made it back in time for his drug fix after downing a dragon badass.

And to top it all off Mario can qualify for the olympics...So when we compare who wears the pants in the arguement Mario clearly does.

Now in terms of gay lets look at the fact both did it to save the girl. Say what you want but that is a quest that men have done through the dawn of time. Crono from Chrono Trigger jumped through time for it. So I can't really say either is gay but shiek is more manly then link...that is just sad.

[Omgwtfbbqkitten]

Not all the Links can be gay because there's a linage to all the Links.

Granted, it appears Link and whoever he shacks up with just seem to leave the baby on a relative's doorstep, if that, and take off. They could be gay after that, but if they wanted to ditch their kid that bad, I think the chick has to be pretty hot. They want the nookie but not the liability.

Then there's Zelda, her linage is pretty strange. Always has a father, but never a mother. Clearly, she has to bear daughters for her line to continue. Are the married off to other Hyrulian Kings. The nature of Hyrule's patriarchy never seems terribly clear. But there's always a king, but never a queen.

Sounds like some land expansion deal. Pass around your Zeldas, call your land Hyrule so it all gets bigger, the off her once's she's had a daughter. No nagging wife and you've got a nice young woman to marry off for more land. Link is an unknowing enforcer for Hyrule's continuing expansion and Ganon might actually be out to just break Hyrule's strange system.

But Ganondorf was born into a strange system. Only one male born in his race every hundred years. Think about that - that's a lot of pressure, whether the garuda are all terribly old women or young attractive ones. He's gotta father all these daughters and getting a son is almost impossible. By taking the Triforce of power, he gets out of the pressure of a normal life span and by kidnapping Zelda, he attempts to thwart Hyrule's expansion and shack up with a lady that may not reject the male seed at all.

But then Link comes along and fucks all that up. No Zelda for Gannon and Hyrule expands its empire, and all the while Link is cast aside after he turns in his Master Sword, but gains a high enough reputation to score a hottie he'll have a son by and then they'll drop the kid off somewhere never to associate with him again.

----------------------------------

All Nintendo games have weird holes.

Think about Pokemon. That food has to come from somewhere. There are no chickens in that world, but we see Brock, Ash and Misty chowing down on some kind of bird's drumstick from time to time. It has to be Pidgeys and Starlys.

There is a food chain in this world, isn't there? I think Fire Pokemon are at the bottom somwhere, though you'd think they'd be higher up. But all they can do is threaten Grass pokemon. But if that Grass Pokemon is a Water hybrid, well then that Fire Pokemon is just fucked.

And there are Eggs and Egg-type Pokemon. Walking eggs. Chansys will sacrifice their offspring to heal members of your party. That's pretty fucked up, too.