Hantz
06-20-2007, 10:00 AM
Alright, that's it. I've waited long enough, and of all the Pandas living on Pandemonium, none have risen to the top to proclaim themselves the King of all Pandas.
So, it is now my duty to do just that. I am now the King of all Pandas. Below you will find a list of my dictatorial capabilities that justify my place on the throne.
Copious amounts of facial hair: One of the top qualities for any king. You'll find that my mustache has a definitive tiny gap in the middle to differentiate it from a common furry caterpillar, my sideburns rival those of any nefarious sea-dog, and I can go from zero to beard in mere days. Think of the picture that pops into your head when you hear the word "King" : he has facial hair, doesn't he? I knew he would.
Battle Prowess: Despite the fact that I've never started or been involved in a war, you'll find that I have been in my fare share of personal one-on-one scraps. I was not always the victor, but rest assured, I should have been. I employ a simplistic style of fisticuffs, akin to boxers of the late 1800's that proves to be partially effective. I've also been watching a healthy amount of Mixed Martial Arts sporting events on the television, and I've been picking up some devestating moves. If you decide to take me on in battle for the sake of winning the throne, be warned: I can finish the fight in seconds using my most amazing manuver to date, the 'Tap Out.'
Firepower: 82% of all food I eat triggers the firing of a rear facing silt cannon that is capable of propelling molten silt at high velocities. But fear not, loyal subject; most times this cannon is only aimed at the throne. And it mainly only damages me, your king.
Sporting Affairs: By searching through the arcane threads that exist here, one may happen across photographic evidence of my "Master Fisherman" status. The fish of the sea are my unsuspecting victims, due to my mystical techniques, the nature of which I shall never divulge. Oh, okay, I can read the fishes' minds. What do most fish think once they discover that I have successfully caught them? "Oh, nevermind. I am so embarassed..."Well, that should be sufficient to cement my place in the palace. If you feel that it is not, I can always provide vast amounts of personal information that prove my monarchic rights. If you are from a server other than Pandemonium, let me put your heart at ease: I will take no aggresive actions against other kings. Only against my subjects, most of whom have never frequented these boards and have no idea what I plan to subject them to.
So, without further ado, I'm going to the palace to take the throne as KING of all Pandas.
So, it is now my duty to do just that. I am now the King of all Pandas. Below you will find a list of my dictatorial capabilities that justify my place on the throne.
Copious amounts of facial hair: One of the top qualities for any king. You'll find that my mustache has a definitive tiny gap in the middle to differentiate it from a common furry caterpillar, my sideburns rival those of any nefarious sea-dog, and I can go from zero to beard in mere days. Think of the picture that pops into your head when you hear the word "King" : he has facial hair, doesn't he? I knew he would.
Battle Prowess: Despite the fact that I've never started or been involved in a war, you'll find that I have been in my fare share of personal one-on-one scraps. I was not always the victor, but rest assured, I should have been. I employ a simplistic style of fisticuffs, akin to boxers of the late 1800's that proves to be partially effective. I've also been watching a healthy amount of Mixed Martial Arts sporting events on the television, and I've been picking up some devestating moves. If you decide to take me on in battle for the sake of winning the throne, be warned: I can finish the fight in seconds using my most amazing manuver to date, the 'Tap Out.'
Firepower: 82% of all food I eat triggers the firing of a rear facing silt cannon that is capable of propelling molten silt at high velocities. But fear not, loyal subject; most times this cannon is only aimed at the throne. And it mainly only damages me, your king.
Sporting Affairs: By searching through the arcane threads that exist here, one may happen across photographic evidence of my "Master Fisherman" status. The fish of the sea are my unsuspecting victims, due to my mystical techniques, the nature of which I shall never divulge. Oh, okay, I can read the fishes' minds. What do most fish think once they discover that I have successfully caught them? "Oh, nevermind. I am so embarassed..."Well, that should be sufficient to cement my place in the palace. If you feel that it is not, I can always provide vast amounts of personal information that prove my monarchic rights. If you are from a server other than Pandemonium, let me put your heart at ease: I will take no aggresive actions against other kings. Only against my subjects, most of whom have never frequented these boards and have no idea what I plan to subject them to.
So, without further ado, I'm going to the palace to take the throne as KING of all Pandas.