It begins with the introduction of our guide and protaganist, Evelyn. While I'm wary and torn on Evelyn's attractiveness, I approach with an open mind knowing that redheads are freaky, and something good may come of this.
Evelyn enlightens us on the situation of Michael in Purchasing...and makes me feel much better about the slightly shittier PC monitor that my company has given me compared to what they give Michael.
But Michael!
But what, byotch? I just said I got a new baby to feed!
That's right, were people to actually give away 80's-looking HD camcorders, they wouldn't be worth ruining your career over.
We've received anonymous reports of douchebaggery and extra-large cameras!
Fuck me! That bitch Annette must have ratted me out! The only way out of this now is to kill both her and Stan before anyone else finds out...
Musical Interlude: Fapping To White Bitches At Work
TOP STORY: MICHAEL FROM PURCHASING CAUGHT IN GINORMOUS CAMCORDER SCANDAL!! NO, NOT THAT MICHAEL, THE OTHER ONE. YOU KNOW, THE ASIAN-LOOKING ONE. YEAH, THE ONE THAT SITS BEHIND CHERYL.
Shit! Pop quiz and I wasn't taking notes!
Whew, aced it! And now I'm cleared to go ask Tits McGee in Marketing if she wants to go to lunch with me!
Did You Know? - We value both minorities and cripples!
Wooo! Role-playing time!
Bro?
Bro!
Braaaahhhh!!
Booyah. 2/2!
Next up, the touching story of Olivia, a mild-mannered woman from Product Development and her epic struggle with a fucked-up haircut and mild retardation:
Remember that protecting our Intellectual Property involves both not being a total fucking blabbermouth in crowded places, but also not making shady hand-offs of single compact discs containing all of our company's vital information and nuclear launch codes to outsiders.
Nooooo!!! I hope this doesn't affect my final grade!
Moving on to the heroic tale of Ross and his attempts to foil a vicious underground price-fixing ring ran by Sharon and Jessica, whom I would not turn a threesome with:
What?! The President has been kidnapped by ninjas?! Oh...price-fixing...well I guess that's important too...
And then...ve vill crush ze puny companies vith our mightee feests of market share! Mwahahaha...MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Fuck that shit, you bitches is crazy!
No seriously dude, dem bitches was cra-zy!!
FUCK YES FINAL EXAM
That shit's going on the wall.
Calli went on to bang Evelyn in a dark janitor's closet, happily ever after, the end.